I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
"it" just moved
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
