So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
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If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
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This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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