it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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