Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
