Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
