i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
