If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
