I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
