Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he told me I talked like a deaf person
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
