Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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