I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
