so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
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But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
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When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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