dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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