i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize