Dude my mom stole all your condoms
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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