Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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