We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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