Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
