just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
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Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
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Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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