It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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