Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
