Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
