she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
