you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
