my cup is half full, half full of rum.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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