U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
