How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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