I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
