I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
