he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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