My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
