hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
