dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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