I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
