Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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