So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
