I haven't been this sober since birth.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
