Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
