In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
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Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
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I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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