You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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