I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
