I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
