Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
