My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
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Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
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Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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