its not stalking. its research.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
