Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
