That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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