What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
