My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
