the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
