break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I could fuck to npr.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
