I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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