Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
