He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I smell like Dick and happiness
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