i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
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I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He passed out mid-signature
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
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the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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