We're like a lot better than the average bears
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
being pregnant is like rehab
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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