People in love make me want to vomit
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
