I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Why can't burritos get me drunk
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
