Just fell off a train. Bad.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
