i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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