Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
