if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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