He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
