What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
