that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
