I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
