Who wears a wallet chain?!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
