Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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